The Glass Admiral Read online

  “I’ve gotta say—” Saverna's voice pulled him from the murkiness he was slowly drowning in and drew his gaze up to her as she stood there quickly finishing her shower. “—that is not at all a bad way to end a mission.”

  “No I suppose it isn’t.” He dropped his gaze back down; watched the soapy water disappear down the shower drain along with his hopes for the evening.

  18:45, SATURDAY, SICKBAY, THE ASARO

  Later she wasn’t able to put a precise finger on what drew her attention away from the wall chart that she had been politely studying in an attempt to allow the admiral his privacy during the routine exam. The exam room had a single entrance which she was facing so it certainly wasn’t anything security related that caused her to glance over at Kosuri as the doc—standing behind him—lifted his tunic to examine his back.

  Because she was looking in his direction Saverna saw his face twist as the doc laid her hands on his back. Eyes snapping shut and mouth flattening he began to breathe through his nose.

  “Any pain or problems around the port?” The doc asked.

  “No.” That came our fairly normally given his facial expression Saverna thought. Force of will or practice? Sweat broke out on his brow as she stood there watching.

  “How about the rest of your back?” The docs hands moved under his tunic testing his spine and muscles. “Nothing unusual.” Again that normal and controlled tone. Should I intervene? Saw wondered briefly and then wondered no more as Kosuri gagged and her feet, almost of their own volition, propelled her in his direction. Snagging a basin off a counter she managed to get it under him in time as he leaned forward and retched. He glanced up at her briefly before the contortions of his stomach made it impossible to focus on anything either than the task at hand.

  Because he had hardly eaten that day, the only thing coming up was the water he’d had in the fifteen minutes before the exam and that was soon expelled. As Kosuri continued to retch Saverna glanced at the doctor who looked concerned but otherwise just stood there watching. “Stress from the exam.” She explained calmly. “It should stop presently.”

  “And if it doesn’t?”

  “I can give him something, but with his body chemistry the side effects of whatever I give him could be worse.”

  “No meds.” Kosuri gasped out between spasms.

  “We’ll see.” The doc told him intractably. “If you can’t calm down in a reasonable amount of time, I’ll have to give you something.”

  Saverna looked at the woman sharply. Surely you did not just say that? You can’t just deny him his autonomy like that.

  Unperturbed, he doctor stared back.

  A rasping choking sound drew her attention back to the admiral to see that he was attempting to get control of his breathing even while he retched and gagged. He really doesn’t want those meds.

  That does it. Saverna turned back to the doctor. “Get out.” She told her decisively.

  The woman paled than flushed as shock and then anger burned through her. “But he needs—”

  “Send someone else.”

  “But there is nobody else. I’m the senior doctor.” The woman sputtered. “I’ve been specifically assigned…” She trailed off in the face of Saverna's stare. “The only other doctor who has experience with Recs—” Out of the corner of her eye Saverna saw Kosuri flinch at the word. “—is an intern.”

  “Then send the intern.” Saverna deliberately let a touch of anger reverberate through the order and the woman backed up a few steps then whipped around and fled the exam room.

  Wondering if perhaps she’d overstepped her authority, she turned back to Kosuri who flicked her a quick glance before another series of stomach spasms had him hunched over the basin once again. “Saverna…I can’t…” He managed to grind out between heaves and gasps.

  “You don’t have to.” She told him. She thought about putting a hand on his shoulder but hesitated because of the way he’d reacted to the doctor’s hands on his back. “Your body needs to be sick right now so just let it be sick. Just let it happen.” She glanced over her shoulder briefly as the door opened to reveal a young blonde human woman; medical scanner in hand, hurry into the room.

  “Your bodywoman is right admiral.” To her credit the woman took in the entire scene and didn’t appear to be flapped in the least. “Better out than in.”

  At that Kosuri fell forward slightly and gave way to the business of being sick. Reflexively Saverna lifted her hands to support him but remembering what had happened with the senior doctor, stopped herself before they could come to rest on his shoulders. “I—” She looked at the other woman questioningly.

  “If he’s normally okay with your touching him it should be fine.” The blonde smiled reassuringly. “Annaleis Kincaid.” She added by way of an introduction.

  “Meg Saverna.” Saverna said absently as she laid her hands gently on Kosuri’s shoulders. To her relief Kosuri slumped towards her at the contact rather than flinching away.

  “Good. That’s good.” Doctor Kincaid murmured and then moved across the room to retrieve something from one of the cupboards by the sanitizer unit. Returning back to the exam table, the doctor deftly exchanged the basin in Kosuri’s lap for a fresh one and returned to the sanitizer unit to dispose of the soiled basin’s contents. Contents safely disposed of, she stayed for a time at the sanitizer arranging medical supplies and, Saverna thought, giving Kosuri a bit of privacy. Her estimation of the intern grew still more when rather than coming over immediately after Kosuri stopped retching she gave him an additional few minutes to recover.

  “Here.” Kincaid offered the admiral a cup from the tray of supplies she pushed over. “To rinse your mouth.” She clarified when Kosuri raised a questioning brow.

  “Thanks.” Kosuri rasped and Saverna's throat twitched in sympathy at the sound. Accepting the cup he swished the liquid around several times and spat it into the basin. After repeating the process several times he handed the cup back.

  Saverna made to drop her hands from his shoulders and take the basin away when a small grunt of protest from Kosuri stopped her. Startled, she met his gaze and quick as could be, Kincaid whisked the basin out from between them while Saverna studied what was in Kosuri’s eyes. “I’m sorry.” He rasped and Saverna felt her eyebrows arch at the shame contained in those two words.

  “It’s my job.” She reassured him.

  Kosuri flinched and Saverna thought she saw pain in his eyes before he shut them.

  “Admiral,” Kincaid was back medical scanner in hand. “I’m sorry but I am going to have to ask you a few questions.”

  Kosuri grunted and turned his attention to the doctor. His eyes, Saverna saw were guarded but there was no trace of the pain of moments before. Thinking to give the doctor room Saverna started to drop her hands with the intent to step back away from the exam table.

  “Stay where you are if you please Lieutenant.” Kincaid told her firmly.

  Kosuri, who’d stiffened slightly as she’d started to pull away; relaxed. Interesting.

  “According to your chart you are here for a nutrient and blood check correct?”

  “Yes.”

  “And you usually receive an IV, to balance any deficits, depending on the results?”

  “Yes.”

  “From my records, I see that Dr. Conner checked your spinal port but didn’t perform your blood scans.” Kincaid looked up form her scanner. “Any issues with the port? Any pain or tenderness?”

  “No.” Kosuri regarded her steadily.

  “Good. How’d it go this week with food?”

  “Better.”

  “Yeah,” Kincaid tapped something into the scanner. “I see from your log that You managed to eat a decent amount this week.” She glanced up at Kosuri again. “Any difficulty keeping it down or…” She trailed off delicately.

  “No.” The Admiral said flatly even as his ears began to burn.

  “Good.” Kincaid returned her attention to the scanner. “And when
did you start bottoming out?” She asked without looking up.

  Shame flooded Kosuri’s face and Saverna understood Kincaid’s sudden fixation with the scanner if not the precise reason for it. This has all the hallmarks of intimate territory.

  Kosuri took a deep breath than two. “I’m always pretty low.” He said quietly. Another breath. “But this drop started about two weeks ago.”

  “And how have you been doing with it?”

  “Fine.” He said shortly.

  That earned him a look and a raised eyebrow.

  “It’s nothing new doctor.”

  “That may be admiral but I’d like to know.” Doctor Kincaid said quietly.

  “It’s been fine.” Whatever fine represented, it was clearly nothing Kosuri wanted to talk about Saverna decided.

  “Have you been taking any steps to try to stimulate an increase or counteract the drop?”

  There was a pause during which the admiral studied the floor. “Things have been busy.” He said eventually. “But I’ve been doing some self massage.”

  “And has that been helpful?” Kincaid shot Saverna a questioning look. Not knowing what the look meant Saverna shrugged. I’m new here.

  “Yes.”

  “What about regular massage?”

  “No.”

  Kincaid frowned. “No it hasn’t been effective or no you haven’t been doing it?”

  “I haven’t been doing it.”

  “Too sore or…” Kincaid trailed off.

  “There hasn’t been time.”

  Kincaid shot Saverna another look. “Your bodywoman?”

  “Is new.” The admiral shifted slightly under Saverna's hands. “We haven’t had a chance to discuss it.”

  “I see.” Kincaid looked like she did in fact see. “Would you like me to go over this with her?”

  Kosuri hunched forward slightly but didn’t answer.

  “Admiral?” Kincaid prodded. “She’s a valuable resource…” She stopped when Kosuri hunched forward again.

  “I know.” He said finally. “I just don’t want this.”

  “Those are your brain chemicals talking.” Kincaid cast a glance at Saverna. “Massage will help.”

  “I know.”

  “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.” Saverna offered. “You have a right to your privacy.”

  Kosuri’s head shot up at that. He studied her intently. “Thank you.” He said in a way that had her bookmarking the moment for future consideration. “It’s not that.” He continued his face taking on a slightly sunburned cast. “It’s just… intimate.”

  “Ah.” Saverna thought for a moment. It’s not right that you’re the only one on display here. “I’ll give you five questions. No restrictions on topic and I have to answer them.”

  The admiral looked intrigued. “No expiration date?”

  “No expiration date.” I may have unleashed a monster. Saverna thought as Kosuri’s eyes lit with what could only be described as an unholy light. Still it has chased away some of the shame and that is not insignificant.

  Kincaid cleared her throat. “Have we reached an agreement then?”

  “Yes.” The admiral said steadily though he looked away. Whatever this is, it’s not a small thing.

  “Right then.” Kincaid turned to Saverna. “The admiral is currently ‘bottoming out’ chemically meaning that his body has stopped producing endorphins.” She held up a hand in anticipation of Saverna's question. “This is a perfectly regular occurrence in Recessives as well as half Recessives which is additionally complicated by Admiral Kosuri’s unique physiology.”

  With her attention focussed on Kincaid, Saverna felt rather than saw Kosuri take a series of deep breaths. “Meaning?” She prodded the doctor.

  “Meaning that he doesn’t have anything to chemically mitigate any sort of pain or discomfort right now.”

  “Uh—” Saverna said eloquently even as her mind raced to sort out the information she was being given.

  “It’s a bit like wearing your nerves on the outside of your skin.” Kincaid temporized.

  “Oh!” Reflexively Saverna lifted her hands off of Kosuri’s shoulders.

  “You’re fine.” The admiral growled though he didn’t look at her.

  Somewhat stunned by the ferocity of his tone Saverna stared at what she could see of his face. Red cheek, jaw working furiously, no eye-contact. Anger or something else? Dropping her hands back onto his shoulders she glanced back at Kincaid for guidance.

  The doctor looked sympathetic. “The brain doesn’t distinguish between physical and mental pain.” She explained softly. “Your reaction matters.”

  My reaction? Saverna found herself nonplussed. “I’m not hurting him?” She nodded at her hands on Kosuri’s shoulders.

  “No. You’re not hurting him.” The admiral growled with some disgust and Saverna flinched until she realized that the disgust was not for her. She watched what she could see of his face flush a brilliant red. Her cheeks tingled in empathy at the sight. He’s furious at himself.

  “No endorphins means everything is really sore and sensitive at the moment.” Kincaid murmured.

  “Okay.” Saverna said because she hoped it would bring Kosuri out of whatever horror he was buried in. “What do we do about it?” She asked the doctor. Is this connected to this morning’s embarrassment?

  “Normally, mated Recessives use interpersonal neurobiology to mirror the chemical processes of their mate’s biology during these periods.” Kincaid consulted her med scanner again. “However, since the Admiral is unmated and has unique physiology; in addition to exercise, techniques such as regular self massage and massage have been prescribed as ways to encourage the production of endorphins.” Kincaid nodded at Saverna's hands where they rested on Kosuri’s shoulders. “We can also give him regular injections of endorphins to alleviate his discomfort but that is counterproductive in the long run as it doesn’t encourage his body to relearn how to produce endorphins by itself. Or so I’ve been told.” Kincaid finished rather self-consciously. She grimaced at Saverna. “I am just an intern.”

  “You’re doing fine doctor.” This from Kosuri who straightened himself to look at Kincaid. “No injections.” He told her firmly despite his face darkening to an almost violent shade of purple. “I would however be most appreciative of an IV.” Despite the blazing color of his face his tone was wry and calm.

  “Yes, of course.” Kincaid turned to the medical synthesizer and began to input a series of codes. Kosuri gave Saverna the faintest of smiles. “I promised you uneventful didn’t I?”

  “Did you?” Saverna was confused and the she remembered Kosuri assuring that they weren’t attacked by pirates on the daily. “Ah well,” She kept her tone light and easy. “It isn’t exactly the life I’m looking for but it is entertaining.”

  Kosuri shifted slightly under her hands in that way he did when he was trying to ease some discomfort in his back and Saverna remembered that they’d recently had sex in his shower following a fairly eventful day. He’s sore. “What life are you looking for LT?”

  Saverna blinked. That was unexpected. “Well—I’ve only ever wanted to do something with horses.” She said finally because his eyes were so serious.

  “So you’d like to go back to your previous position.” He shifted again and almost absently Saverna began to rub his shoulders.

  “I would.” She agreed.

  Kosuri was silent for a long moment.“What about a partner? Children?”

  “I’ve never really thought about it.” She had the crazy thought that he might be asking her about her intentions toward him but dismissed the idea almost as soon as it formed. Why would a fleet admiral, particularly one as career-minded as Kosuri be asking a lowly bat about her intentions towards him? It was just casual sex. Nothing more than scratching an itch.

  Kosuri shifted under her hands as his shoulders relaxed and abruptly something occurred to her. “I won’t leave before my mission is complete.” She tol
d him suddenly certain that was what he was asking.

  His lips twisted. “And when will that be LT?”

  “When you no longer need me.” She answered automatically.

  Kosuri laughed a laugh that wasn’t a laugh and looked away. “And when will that be LT?” He asked the viewport.

  “When you find a more suitable bat.” She answered slowly puzzled by his reaction.

  He raised his hands and dragged them down his face. “More suitable. You say that like it’s so easy.”

  Isn’t it? “What happened with your other bats admiral?” She asked after a moment.

  “They weren’t suitable.” He said.

  “Why not?” She asked softly even though she was sure he wouldn’t answer. And he didn’t. Not exactly.

  He sighed. “You have soft hands LT.”

  Nonplussed, Saverna stared down at her muscled and calloused hands for a moment until it occurred to her what he meant. Heels down, shoulders back, soft hands. The rider’s mantra flicked through her brain as she recalled Kosuri’s reaction to the CMO’s hands on his back and Kincaid’s subsequent revelation about how sensitive his body currently was. Like a wild horse his body thinks anyone who touches him is trying to kill him.

  “Your previous bats didn’t?”

  “Bodymen and bodywomen.” He corrected her with a wry humor that she was relieved to hear. “And no.”

  Saverna opened her mouth to respond only to be interrupted by Kincaid who reappeared back at the exam table with a handful of IV bags that she industriously began to hang from a pole beside the table. “This will take almost two hours.” She told them as she bustled around. “So you’d better make yourself—selves comfortable.” She nodded at the video screen that hung on one wall of the exam room. “You can watch a vid or sleep or—” She shrugged as she broke open the package containing the needle for the IV. “whatever.” Needle free she set it on her sterile tray, grabbed an alcohol swab from her tray and began to prepare the entry site on the back of Kosuri’s hand.